We've got a murder on our hands.

Elise and I moved into our new house this past weekend, and we were immediately greeted with several trees of crows screaming at us. While a Hitchcock fan might've taken this as an omen - I am no Tippi Hedren. For me, this was the realization of a long-standing goal.

You see, crows, as well as other members of the Corvid family (along with ravens, magpies, and jays) are some of the smartest birds in the world. And when I say smart, I mean they have the ability to solve complex puzzles, mourn their dead, remember faces for years, give gifts, and even mimic human speech. I know humans who can't even do all of that.

Unpacking our new house would have to wait, I need these crows to be my friends. I finally have a chance to make my vision come true. What's the worst that could happen?

I started by getting a nice shiny disposable aluminum cookie sheet, as well as some peanuts (in the shell), and some unsalted trail natural trail mix that had several nuts and fruits in it. I placed it out in the back yard, divided it into the different foods, and hoped for the best.

Upon returning, all of the nuts were gone! Though it appears that this particular murder of crows does not care for fruit - fresh or dried.

Emboldened by my success, I got their attention and put out more food. I then turned back to the internet to figure out my next move. According the the goth bird community, I should incorporate some sort of consistent sound with my feedings so that I will be able to call them in in the future. Being completely unable to do the stereotypical loud dad-whistle, I went with the next best choice:

They also recommended trying to feed them hard-boiled eggs as a special treat if they bring you any gifts.

So with eggs in hand and Blues Traveler in my heart, I went to work.